I am at a lack of words for this topic, because just like the next person, I’ve been broken, belittled and left hanging by love. So to be vulnerable with those stories is to find freedom in the moment.
‘What will change’ is a very diverse topic. This comes with age diversity, male or female, personalities and/or lifestyles. Also, it depends on so many aspects of your own self abiding love and mentality.
Ideally, I believe two key aspects will begin to change when finding the one that complement your soul.
Number 1
Motivation:
The motive to get up in the morning and go further in a day, when you are consumed by the thought of a cherished support system, is irreplaceable and forceful.
It begins to relate to the idea of a trust fall.
You fall in hopes that the person is reaching to catch you, because this type of falling gives you hope and peace and comfort. You will find yourself at risk to the pain of the ground too, yet carry high hopes that their arms break your fall before you make contact with the ground. It can be very hard to maintain motivation, because every single person gets a lack of motivation at some point. Sometimes you just don’t want to get out of the bed, I know I do. We know things in life happen to stop at the exact spot where one is and hold us motionless, maybe a devastating unexpected loss of a loved one, relationship or career path that didn’t go where you expected it to go. These things are hard and it can depreciate your spirit or retract your motivation from moving forward, therefore leaving you emotionally exhausted to what the world has to offer. You can feel like you’ve been backed in a corner and have no idea which way to turn. So, when you begin to get excited to talk to that special individual it’s hard to refund that lack of motivation in order to start a new adventure, afraid of what could happen. Just the act of getting up out of bed and doing life becomes so much easier once you've taken the first step in the trust fall. It’s the feeling that you’re no longer doing it by yourself or for yourself, that there is someone out there that is your cheerleader. They empower you to strive for your goals, for your dreams and wants to do life with you, it’s the sense of security that there will be a next step forward.
So, I think motivation is definitely something that will initially change in your life and in your heart. Finding someone that will ultimately complement your characteristics as a person, as a boyfriend or girlfriend, and as a soulmate is the goal.
Number 2
Scars
I think that this is a sensitive topic as well because many people have varying stages and possible multiple scars that effect the outcome. Past relationships, abuse, broken homes, bullying, will intentionally or unintentionally imprint in your life. It will influence your perspective, your intentions, your goals and it gives your testimony depth. Many times in life, through numerous encounters and daily lessons scars infiltrate your path and can be only mended by your continued journey through life. So, with all of these past challenges, I believe that they build up to one aspect of who you are and who you are becoming. Scars are not always easy to define, because they are cruel wounds that exposes the raw and unseen vulnerable parts of your soul. Scars cut deep, to the inner depths of your being and the slow healing will forever have a visable impression to where a tremedous pain once stood. Exposing your scars with the person that you were meant to love, or to find love within one's self takes time, patience and awareness. To bare and expose a vulnerable heart is to share those scars with your partner and for them to survey who you are and why. The authentic reason behind the way you react or relate to things, the way you break down, and the way you stand tall. So many aspects of your past relate and pinpoint the way you act and hold yourself now. To find that vulnerability in yourself, it takes time, it takes effort and it takes other people around you supporting you. So finding that ideal person that you can truly be transparent with, that you can be 100% vulnerable and exposed with, is almost like giving them a loaded gun and trusting them not to pull the trigger. They can hold more than your hand, they can hold your scars too. Then after a season of time goes by you start allowing their words and actions to mend those scars because they know where the deepest and most vulnerable targets are located.
I believe that scars are something that would not initially change when finding that right person, but they would change and mend over time. Because of their genuine love and awareness to your pain, you can be vulnerable with the confidence that who you were and who you are becoming will never be the same. It's the piece of you that is given behind closed doors that not everyone gets sight of and if you are that person, the holder of the scars, you are treasured. Do not take your position lightly, because someone deemed you valuable, trustworty and safe. If you choose to betray any of these positions you will inevitably create more scars.
Initially and above all do not let that a person change who you are, do not let them step in the way of what God has designed your journey to look like. They are key aspects of your life, designed to complement who you are and who you’re becoming but they are not meant to be road blocks. People will enter and exit your life's journey to grow and develop you into the person that is standing on the alter one day, to grasp the hand of forever and never look back.
Many people choose different paths or different ways to express love, I am currently reading a study “The Five Love Languages” being described as “the secret to the love that last” written by Gary Chapman. In this book, he explains how different aspects of peoples past, motivation, vulnerability, and scars relate to what they want in a husband or a wife. This is not singling out “your type” it is more of identifying what type of soul energy your soul longs for. I believe that many people teach you different things, at different times, and in different ways.
I will now give an example of that.
Picture below I will show you just a few of the many many people in my life that have truly taught me the different aspects of love. I believe that every single one of these people have taught me a lesson in one way or another. This lesson not only residing in relationships yet also in friendships. When having friendships with multiple different people you get to fall In love with multiple different souls and personality traits. You can pick and choose which traits and which characteristics you like, therefore building a perspective on which characteristics you will want in a relationship. Beneath these pictures I will describe the lesson that I have learned from that person in one word. This being a total description of what love looks like, in different ways. It also validates the point as to why it is important to grow from and to cherish many different personalities, cultures and perspectives.
purity
Being the oldest sibling carries many treasures, yet many battles as he has had 3 little feet following him his entirety of life. Rance has taught me purity in a way only he could have. In what I treasure most, he describes, pure love, pure intentions, & a pure aurora.
dedication
Morgan has taught me dedication when holding the knot between a relationship or friendship. She has taught me how to see the best in people, even at their lowest. She has openly carried a huge part of my learning to trust the hands im falling into.
Forgiveness
Katie has taught me how to forgive in the most passive yet self lessened egotistical way. She has uplifted my ability to walk in focus on the windshield and less of the rearview. Taught me how to fall into the faith of change in people and past pain.
independence
Mrs. Christie has taught me nothing less than standing back up when you fall. Love knocks you down, but in bestowing the Self Worth She has taught me just how to believe exactly what I deserve, may come after a few tries, but it will indeed come.
Strength
Chris has been nothing short of a display of genuine strength. It takes a strong man to pick up his cross daily, when you look along side you and are carrying it alone. Chris has taught me how to depend on Christ for strength, to stand even if you stand alone. To find a new beginning in every new and offering sunrise.
consistency
Clayton has taught me what consistent love looks like. How to constantly fight for one undiveded Future. To fight the fear of the what- if’s or rejections. To stand taller then the obstacles meant to be stumbled upon.
accordance
Mason has taught me how to live in accordance to momentarily joy. To truly love life as we see it, and to find the most blissful moments it what and who we have right now. To find joy in the current present. To never allow past contradictions contradict the current ability to live in the blessings God has allowed us to encounter right now.
although I have limited space, there are so many others in my life that have truly impacted who I am and who I’m becoming. That has established Growth In my walk & journey. This being just a few that I don’t thank enough for what huge impact they have had on my life.
So take with a heavy heart in going forward to really shine light on what you hope to change and what is already changing. Love mends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
-Carley Muirhead
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